Hippo, birdie, two ewe

It was my birthday yesterday.  I have noticed that in the days leading up to the actual day, I start to get melancholy.  I start to feel annoyed and frustrated, impatient and am short with people.  It's been like this for the last few years. 

I think it has nothing to do with the number of years each birthday marks, but rather the fact that another year has passed.  It is usual for me to look back at the passing year and ignore the good times.  I am trying to change that.  Of course, there are other annual markers (New Year's eve, Christmas, various anniversaries) but for some reason, this one has more of an impact.  I guess you can't get any more personal than your own birthday! 

Something I seem to take personally around my birthday is whether people remembered without prompting.  Yes, I may be setting people up to fail, but that's how my mind works.  These days, it is so easy to wish someone well - emails, SMS, social media.  No one has to plan in advance to post a birthday card anymore - remember those days?!

This year, I decided to turn off the Facebook notification, as well as the ability for people to piggyback off the well wishes of other people via Facebook postings.  I also disengaged the similar feature of LinkedIn (why does a professional networking site have birthday reminders, I ask you?).  I wanted to conduct an experiment - to see how reliant we are on these digital platforms to actively drive us.  And yes, I wanted to know who would actually remember.

For the record, I keep a paper diary with birthdays noted on the relevant days.  If I forget to say "Happy Birthday" to someone, its either because I am travelling without my paper diary or because (to be frank!) you've fallen out of favour.

This year, my family remembered (except, for the first time in a few years, my father).  My partner remembered.  I'm grateful for their well wishes, but no real surprises there.  The real surprise was that only four other people remembered. 

I am not sure what that means.  I am still undecided.  I am trying to look for the positive in that experience, but am willing to admit that I am struggling.  At least I now have greater clarity about why I get melancholy around my birthday!