I have noticed that a lot of my life is lived in "three's". It seems events and the number three are tied together for me. So I guess it was no real surprise that my most recent dog days lasted for three months.
In the last three months, I had struggled. My personal black dog visited and sat loyally at my side. It coloured my moods and made my days grey. Over the years, I had trained myself to use these visits to my advantage - to use this time to leech out all of the grey from my thinking. During this time, I do not censor my feelings or my thinking. It's like trying to suck out all of the venom in one go. Obviously this requires a semblance of hibernation - I have to be careful not to infect others around me.
This latest visit was especially long. But the one thing I always have in the back of my mind is that eventually, he leaves. I know this because it has happened before. It has happened countless times. While he visits and the colour leaves the world, I do my best to remember that. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hold onto my memory of all the colours. Red, green, blue, yellow - even the icky colours like baby-poo green. Because eventually, with a shake of his head and a nod, my black dog leaves.
Yes, folks - I'm back!
The world is now what it should be - of endless possibilities, of laughter and of a myriad exciting choices. I have survived another visit and I am drunk with victory! Celebrating these victories are important because it helps cement the thought that I will get through it. It is also important because I want to always remember that feeling of rediscovering colours again. It's like seeing the world for the first time.
I guess I am lucky in that sense - I get to renew my excitement and passion for the world each time my black dog leaves. That is what I hold onto during my dog days.
The last three months now just feels like some strange black and white French movie I was forced to watch because I couldn't find the remote to change the channel. Found it!
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